Why? Why does it have to be this way?
Tears roll down my cheeks,
Kissing them as they slide by.
What happened to "I love you"?
What happened to "I miss you"?
When did it all become "I hate you"?
That kiss you gave me when we first came together,
The stories you would tell me of the future,
The songs you would send me--
Were they realy all lies?
What happened to being by each other's side?
What happened to understanding each other?
You pulled me to the sky,
And then you threw me back down.
You told me it would be fine,
But then you said you didn't care,
I lie in bed now thanking you for the one thing I can...
Thanks for hurting me because I'll never be damaged again;
Thanks for proving love is only a phrase;
Thanks for hitting me so hard that i became strong;
Thanks.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Ghost of love
It is a dark, cloudy night and all the people were in their nice and cozy houses hiding from the howling wind and singing wolves telling of their presence. But one house lay wide open with the inside of the house only being protected by the wood that covered the broken windows. The door half off lay swinging in the wind creaking as it did so. This house lay all alone on its street who would want to live near such a strange house that made weird screaming sounds at night and was hidden by the shadows of the trees? Thunder strikes even on the sunniest days in this house. The red bricks have gone grey; the flowers are dead with only dry petals remaining, sometimes laughter fills the night sky, music fills the air and a lost valentine reappears.
Teenagers occasionally walk into this house, teenage love they call it but only one of each couple returns and they too disappear through the night sky. No one really knows what goes on in that house but the legend has it that the ghost of love owns this house and it shall be the one doing this mischief. Tonight a new couple will appear and we shall see what goes on in this god forbidden house.
“Come on Rosy lets go in here no one will find us” Ron says.
“Hey isn’t this the house were all couples disappear?” Rosy replies frightened.
“Yea and that’s why no one will look here and besides they’re just stories nothing will happen trust me” Ron replies assuring.
The couple walks into the strange house and is stunned by the welcoming view. The lights are pink and red, punch bowls and appetizers are on the other side of the room, heart shape balloons cover the ceiling, confetti and glitter cover the ground, and then music starts to play.
“Who started the music? Something’s not right Ron we should go” Rosy says.
“Who cares? Let’s dance! Honestly it's not like anything bad will happen I mean look at this place! It's wonderful! Come on I bet there is a nice bed somewhere upstairs! We can spend the night here!” Ron replies excited.
“Welcome to my party! I hope your enjoying the music it's my favorite tune!” a dark and eerie voice comes from the shadows at the top of the stairs. Rosy clings on to Ron but he just smiles and pulls her away.
“Hey! Yea the music’s great! But where are the rest of the guests? Oh and how long does this party last?” Ron cheers. He’s never been to a valentine party on a day other then valentines before and he's so excited.
“Look around you. Do you not see the dancing couples? Ah! Young teenage eyes! You see nothing but your love! Thrilling!” the voice taunts. A tall figure with blonde hair and blue eyes steps down from the top step. The man skips down the steps as if it's been practiced. A black suite and a red tie over a pink shirt.
“My name is Ramon. Welcome dear ones please join me in celebrating love!” Ramon continues.
“I'm Ron and this is Rosy. Nice to meet you” Ron says looking around. All of a sudden the hall is filled with dancing people. The females all in pink gowns and all the males in red suits, all around their age.
“Sorry to disappoint you but we can't stay you see everyone’s in nice clothes and we are in jeans it would look quite odd if we stayed.” Rosy tries. Rosy always knows when there's something wrong and there's definitely something wrong.
“Not to worry I have some extra change upstairs in the first bedroom to the left please do hurry though we wouldn’t want you to miss the dances” Ramon replies amused.
Ron grabs Rosy’s hand and drags her up the stairs. As they get higher the place gets darker soon Ron and Rosy can't see a thing. Ron feels his way through the dark and they make it up the stairs. Terrified Rosy clings to Ron. Ron finds the wall on the left and starts to feel his way forward. After only 5 steps the wall starts to get gooey there are lines twisting and turning throughout and he can feel when there's another one of whatever it is on top. He can tell that this part of the wall is made by a pile of many round, twisted lines things. Kind of like brains! Grossed By his imagination of many brains piled on top of each other he hurries past it. Soon he starts to feel something else. Something pounding, many something pounding. Gushy and squishy tubes coming out from all sides. Hearts! Real human hearts still beats out of their human bodies! Ron starts to run through that part of the wall. This is ridicules! He thinks it's not possible! It's just my imagination! Rosy is getting to my head that’s all! He turns to yell at Rosy for getting him out of it but in her place he finds her skeleton! Screaming he goes back down stairs and to his surprise there in front of him was Rosy all dressed up ready to dance!
“You were taking to long so I got dressed without you” Rosy says in a dead straight voice.
“You scared me! How’d you find the room in the dark? You know it wasn’t the changing I wanted!” Ron screams franticly.
“Let’s dance” Rosy replies.
Ron then noticed Rosy’s eyes were blood red and a part of her chest was sucked in almost like a hole. She was pale and her voice was stale, something about her just wasn’t right. Rosy hated dancing and here she is insisting that he dance with her!
“Ron my friend there you are! We were looking for you! Where is your suit son?” Ramon asks
“What’s wrong with Rosy?” Ron asks back
“Come now Ron lets not be this way and besides what does it matter? You love her right?” Ramon fires back. His voice gets darker and his eyes turn red, his hair flares in the air and his teeth turn to fangs.
“Many years ago at this party I learned my wife didn’t love me she only loved my money so I killed her! And all those who were true lovers stayed as ghost in my home and those who weren’t walked out and disappeared! You didn’t love her and so she’s my slave! They all are my slaves! She looks hideous to you because you never loved her but in reality she is more beautiful then she ever was!” his voice flares in the air like his voice is coming from every direction in the room.
Ron opens his mouth to scream but it's to late Rosy has taken her revenge! The nights silence has been broken somewhere above the ceiling Ron’s screams have been released and the night shivers at the knowledge of what has taken place. A man passing by sees Ron walk out of the house and into the fog and disappear. No one knows where Rosy is and no one knows about Ron but the mansion still screams and laughs and sings but who is to know that the ghost of love waits in that house waiting for two true lovers to set him and all his slaves free.
Teenagers occasionally walk into this house, teenage love they call it but only one of each couple returns and they too disappear through the night sky. No one really knows what goes on in that house but the legend has it that the ghost of love owns this house and it shall be the one doing this mischief. Tonight a new couple will appear and we shall see what goes on in this god forbidden house.
“Come on Rosy lets go in here no one will find us” Ron says.
“Hey isn’t this the house were all couples disappear?” Rosy replies frightened.
“Yea and that’s why no one will look here and besides they’re just stories nothing will happen trust me” Ron replies assuring.
The couple walks into the strange house and is stunned by the welcoming view. The lights are pink and red, punch bowls and appetizers are on the other side of the room, heart shape balloons cover the ceiling, confetti and glitter cover the ground, and then music starts to play.
“Who started the music? Something’s not right Ron we should go” Rosy says.
“Who cares? Let’s dance! Honestly it's not like anything bad will happen I mean look at this place! It's wonderful! Come on I bet there is a nice bed somewhere upstairs! We can spend the night here!” Ron replies excited.
“Welcome to my party! I hope your enjoying the music it's my favorite tune!” a dark and eerie voice comes from the shadows at the top of the stairs. Rosy clings on to Ron but he just smiles and pulls her away.
“Hey! Yea the music’s great! But where are the rest of the guests? Oh and how long does this party last?” Ron cheers. He’s never been to a valentine party on a day other then valentines before and he's so excited.
“Look around you. Do you not see the dancing couples? Ah! Young teenage eyes! You see nothing but your love! Thrilling!” the voice taunts. A tall figure with blonde hair and blue eyes steps down from the top step. The man skips down the steps as if it's been practiced. A black suite and a red tie over a pink shirt.
“My name is Ramon. Welcome dear ones please join me in celebrating love!” Ramon continues.
“I'm Ron and this is Rosy. Nice to meet you” Ron says looking around. All of a sudden the hall is filled with dancing people. The females all in pink gowns and all the males in red suits, all around their age.
“Sorry to disappoint you but we can't stay you see everyone’s in nice clothes and we are in jeans it would look quite odd if we stayed.” Rosy tries. Rosy always knows when there's something wrong and there's definitely something wrong.
“Not to worry I have some extra change upstairs in the first bedroom to the left please do hurry though we wouldn’t want you to miss the dances” Ramon replies amused.
Ron grabs Rosy’s hand and drags her up the stairs. As they get higher the place gets darker soon Ron and Rosy can't see a thing. Ron feels his way through the dark and they make it up the stairs. Terrified Rosy clings to Ron. Ron finds the wall on the left and starts to feel his way forward. After only 5 steps the wall starts to get gooey there are lines twisting and turning throughout and he can feel when there's another one of whatever it is on top. He can tell that this part of the wall is made by a pile of many round, twisted lines things. Kind of like brains! Grossed By his imagination of many brains piled on top of each other he hurries past it. Soon he starts to feel something else. Something pounding, many something pounding. Gushy and squishy tubes coming out from all sides. Hearts! Real human hearts still beats out of their human bodies! Ron starts to run through that part of the wall. This is ridicules! He thinks it's not possible! It's just my imagination! Rosy is getting to my head that’s all! He turns to yell at Rosy for getting him out of it but in her place he finds her skeleton! Screaming he goes back down stairs and to his surprise there in front of him was Rosy all dressed up ready to dance!
“You were taking to long so I got dressed without you” Rosy says in a dead straight voice.
“You scared me! How’d you find the room in the dark? You know it wasn’t the changing I wanted!” Ron screams franticly.
“Let’s dance” Rosy replies.
Ron then noticed Rosy’s eyes were blood red and a part of her chest was sucked in almost like a hole. She was pale and her voice was stale, something about her just wasn’t right. Rosy hated dancing and here she is insisting that he dance with her!
“Ron my friend there you are! We were looking for you! Where is your suit son?” Ramon asks
“What’s wrong with Rosy?” Ron asks back
“Come now Ron lets not be this way and besides what does it matter? You love her right?” Ramon fires back. His voice gets darker and his eyes turn red, his hair flares in the air and his teeth turn to fangs.
“Many years ago at this party I learned my wife didn’t love me she only loved my money so I killed her! And all those who were true lovers stayed as ghost in my home and those who weren’t walked out and disappeared! You didn’t love her and so she’s my slave! They all are my slaves! She looks hideous to you because you never loved her but in reality she is more beautiful then she ever was!” his voice flares in the air like his voice is coming from every direction in the room.
Ron opens his mouth to scream but it's to late Rosy has taken her revenge! The nights silence has been broken somewhere above the ceiling Ron’s screams have been released and the night shivers at the knowledge of what has taken place. A man passing by sees Ron walk out of the house and into the fog and disappear. No one knows where Rosy is and no one knows about Ron but the mansion still screams and laughs and sings but who is to know that the ghost of love waits in that house waiting for two true lovers to set him and all his slaves free.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
what i thoght was love
Glimmering brown eyes, soft black hair, tanned skin, hands just the right size for me, he stands under the shimmering moon smiling that smile. A smile that reminded me of memories we shared, of moments gone by, of laughter we cherished. His eyes like shinning stars gleaming in the night sky. They tell me how much they love me, how much they want me, how much they need me. As he strokes his hand across my face I realize his touch is as elegant and as soft as a rose. Slowly his lips brush against mine and his kiss guides me in the dark. I can feel a flash of red cross my check as I realize I don’t know what to do. As he embraces is me his cheek slides by mine giving a soft touch that promises me we’ll never be apart. I feel like I'm in a dream that just can't be. The time is draining away like water in a sink. The moment is singing and I feel like I'm dreaming. But it's time to say goodbye and promise our meeting again. But why must he go? Can I not stop him? I want to stop him and tell him not to leave. How long do I have to wait till we meet again? Till the end.
***
We meet again and I feel joy running through my body. We walk down the grey, rocky sidewalk talking about our last encounter. Then we see two glistening brown eyes, wet from tears looking up at us from the grass. His feet are bare, body cold, the shirt isn’t there. His dirty face and bruised skin tells us he needs help. His throat cries with thirst and although I just had water so does mine. I look at my love expecting him to help the poor soul but instead he looks away and starts to walk. I grab his hand and pull him back. He may be able to turn his face but my heart bleeds for that young boy. The black dry hair and the bruised bare brown skin make me shiver all though I have a thick sweater on. With my branded clothes and sweet perfume I realize he needs the basics more then I need these. I take off my sweater since I have plenty more and take out my water bottle since there's a store next door and hand these to him for he needs it more. Whatever love there was isn’t anymore. For someone who doesn’t care and someone who doesn’t give isn’t for me because I like to share.
***
I walk the streets alone today the memories sore and bare. At least that boy is happy not that anyone else cares. I see him on the streets all happy and fair he no longer needs me and his feet aren’t bare. He now has a home to go to and money for him to share. But what matter most is that the bleeding in my heart no longer is there. The smile on his face makes my worries go away. I know somewhere in his heart he prays for me and I know he cares. I will be happy too one day that how it will be fair. I close my eyes and wish now for that day to be near.
***
It's a love story that’s real or at least that’s how I feel. I'm Cinderella, I'm Bella, I'm Jasmine, and I'm little mermaid and he is my prince. Black hair, brown eyes, protective he may seem but he only loves me. He’s in the marines and I think that’s neat. He cares for others and I think that’s sweet. My smile has come back today thanks to the boy on the street. I pray for all those like him so they too can be happy but it's not the prayer that counts but what you have done to help. So I now sit on the computer telling all my friends too. Don’t love a guy that doesn’t care for he doesn’t care about you.
***
I now walk a different side walk next to a different street. The streets are grey and the sidewalk white but that will never change. My love holds my hand and my normal clothes, there is no brand on me not one I can name but what do you know I see again something I've come to know. A child sitting there looking hungry and hiding her sorrow. I take out some candy and give her some money. I give her my water and a sweater like once before. My love one takes out his cell phone and adds a new number. Now the child has a number and I have the truth. Those you’ve grown up with you will rub off. So don’t be afraid to ask them to share. they will give you everything even their care. I know I sound like a granny but it's true I swear. Giving and sharing always come in a pair. People may think I'm crazy for this but I really couldn’t care.
***
There are days when tears will still roll down my cheek and there will be days where I will cry but then of course I will smile. I will smile at the new sidewalk and the old memory. I will laugh at my childish needs. I will smile at new joys that will come. I know those good days will come because someone somewhere is watching over me and taking care of me. I know that somewhere there is a rainbow I just need to find it. I know somewhere someone is waiting for my prayer of thanks and one day I will. But that day just isn’t today. I remember all the lies I was told and all the tears I've shed and ill cry for those days still seem like my best. But tomorrow there will be new days with new tries. And I promise to myself I will smile! I will smile for those who care I will smile for those who care. Because I know it's not fair to have others cry just because your not fine but I will smile.
***
We meet again and I feel joy running through my body. We walk down the grey, rocky sidewalk talking about our last encounter. Then we see two glistening brown eyes, wet from tears looking up at us from the grass. His feet are bare, body cold, the shirt isn’t there. His dirty face and bruised skin tells us he needs help. His throat cries with thirst and although I just had water so does mine. I look at my love expecting him to help the poor soul but instead he looks away and starts to walk. I grab his hand and pull him back. He may be able to turn his face but my heart bleeds for that young boy. The black dry hair and the bruised bare brown skin make me shiver all though I have a thick sweater on. With my branded clothes and sweet perfume I realize he needs the basics more then I need these. I take off my sweater since I have plenty more and take out my water bottle since there's a store next door and hand these to him for he needs it more. Whatever love there was isn’t anymore. For someone who doesn’t care and someone who doesn’t give isn’t for me because I like to share.
***
I walk the streets alone today the memories sore and bare. At least that boy is happy not that anyone else cares. I see him on the streets all happy and fair he no longer needs me and his feet aren’t bare. He now has a home to go to and money for him to share. But what matter most is that the bleeding in my heart no longer is there. The smile on his face makes my worries go away. I know somewhere in his heart he prays for me and I know he cares. I will be happy too one day that how it will be fair. I close my eyes and wish now for that day to be near.
***
It's a love story that’s real or at least that’s how I feel. I'm Cinderella, I'm Bella, I'm Jasmine, and I'm little mermaid and he is my prince. Black hair, brown eyes, protective he may seem but he only loves me. He’s in the marines and I think that’s neat. He cares for others and I think that’s sweet. My smile has come back today thanks to the boy on the street. I pray for all those like him so they too can be happy but it's not the prayer that counts but what you have done to help. So I now sit on the computer telling all my friends too. Don’t love a guy that doesn’t care for he doesn’t care about you.
***
I now walk a different side walk next to a different street. The streets are grey and the sidewalk white but that will never change. My love holds my hand and my normal clothes, there is no brand on me not one I can name but what do you know I see again something I've come to know. A child sitting there looking hungry and hiding her sorrow. I take out some candy and give her some money. I give her my water and a sweater like once before. My love one takes out his cell phone and adds a new number. Now the child has a number and I have the truth. Those you’ve grown up with you will rub off. So don’t be afraid to ask them to share. they will give you everything even their care. I know I sound like a granny but it's true I swear. Giving and sharing always come in a pair. People may think I'm crazy for this but I really couldn’t care.
***
There are days when tears will still roll down my cheek and there will be days where I will cry but then of course I will smile. I will smile at the new sidewalk and the old memory. I will laugh at my childish needs. I will smile at new joys that will come. I know those good days will come because someone somewhere is watching over me and taking care of me. I know that somewhere there is a rainbow I just need to find it. I know somewhere someone is waiting for my prayer of thanks and one day I will. But that day just isn’t today. I remember all the lies I was told and all the tears I've shed and ill cry for those days still seem like my best. But tomorrow there will be new days with new tries. And I promise to myself I will smile! I will smile for those who care I will smile for those who care. Because I know it's not fair to have others cry just because your not fine but I will smile.
How Toys Feel
Toys. What are toys? Objects without feelings? Wrong. Toys are like people and some people are like toys. Someone beats you that’s ok just wipe your tears and cover your wounds. If someone yells at you for no reason that’s ok just listen. If someone jumps on you and starts crying that’s ok just do what they need you to. If someone comes and starts telling you secrets just listen. If someone asks for your opinion don’t answer they don’t care just listen. Thread keeps your mouth shut so you can't scream. Your eyes are just buttons so you can't cry. Your mind is just cotton so you can't think for yourself. Your insides are stuffed you can't protect yourself. You’re someone’s teddy and you have to live with it. You can't do anything your owner doesn’t want you to- not even breath. But if makes you feel any better I have a secret too. You’re not just a teddy but something close to a jewel. You make everyone smile when they forget how to. You give someone comfort and someone else love. A little child sits no longer 5 and still holds you tight and says thank you for all you’ve done. Although you may think it's nothing for everyone else it's something. Here is to our silent heroes who put up with us everyday. Thank you for everything you haven’t said or haven’t done. We love you for who you are so please don’t think we don’t. I may be 17 today and tomorrow I may be 20 but no matter how old I get I will cherish you always. I will hug you tight and kiss you nice but I won’t forget when you stood by me when I needed you most. You never yelled at me when I hurt you never said no. you sat there and listened like a good friend should. I may get married one day but that won’t change a thing. You’ll still be the one I hold at night when I want to cry you’ll still be the one who I run to when I'm scared. I know you get jealous and I feel it too but I love you anyway through and through. I give you permission teddy to do as you please.
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